So I lounged around in my office after a lengthy lunch, having nothing else to do until the PFY returned with the NeoSilicoResonico cutter. I thought about who could be the very nimble safe opener. And come to think of it, why does Boss need to keep a cool hundred thousand dollars snack money in his safe? Hmm, maybe he regularly had freshly fried, cheese flavoured potato chips flown in from across the globe...
For the third time I read through the police report of the crime, a copy of which I had "organized" before the police had left us this morning
Fact: Our offices had not been forcefully entered.
Fact: All security cameras had been turned off before they could film any suspects.
Fact: The safes had been opened without physical force, possibly by entering the code.
Fact: The safes had been left open for all to see, but nothing had been removed.
Fact: No unusual fingerprints had been found.
Fact: Only one safe had not been opened. Mine. It just happened to be stuck under a wall tapestry of NeoSilicoResonico, which tended to resist most normal cutting implements.
Fact: The PFY shouldered his way into my office...
"Hiya Fainswift! Got the machine, and my cousin gave me cool idea. Maybe we can see who the thief was!"
"Unless you had a camera running somewhere that our friendly neighbourhood safe cracker hadn't deactivated, I very much doubt we will see anything of the miscreant."
"Nah, 'fraid my web cam was off, too. But lemme show you, in my office!"
Ah well, the police report had lost its appeal anyway, and sometimes even the PFY had half way usable ideas. So we trundled to his blue tapestried room.
"Now what is it your cousin got you so exited about, PFY?"
"See, this is a black light..."
"Yes, an ultra violet light. Cute. Are you planning on opening a discotheque here now? Make all the white cloths and shiny teeth of your guests glow eerily?"
"Nah, that's old hat. Multi coloured lasers are the thing these days. Anyway, my cousin's team found out that black light makes NeoSilicoResonico show the last image or pressure it was subjected to. I didn't use the video feature lately, so if the burglar tried to find your safe in here, maybe he touched or even leaned against the wall. Might even get fingerprints!"
"Ah, very clever, my dear PFY. Shine your black light here, where my wall safe should be... ah yes, there is definitely something here... move the light up and down the whole height..."
And before our eyes the NeoSilicoResonico showed us a clear outline of a torso, one leg, arms and the profile of a head that had been pressed closely to the wall.
"Hey, that's a woman!"
"Yes, from the curves one could suspect that. A tall, slender woman, with nice hands. And here a series of delicate knuckles. It seems she was tapping the wall to find the safe."
"And she found it, but couldn't cut through the NeoSilicoResonico! Look, sabotage attempt on my lovely wallpaper!" said the PFY, pointing out many thin scratch marks.
I inspected the wall a bit closer. That hand print looked... familiar. And... Ah! A very recently applied scent of a perfume I knew only too well. It was available from only one small shop here in Basel. A perfume so special, it was sold only to a select few chosen clients, of which I happened to be one.
"This image doesn't show the safe cracker, my dear PFY. I know the woman who made this hand print."
"Huh? But she obviously was looking for the safe. Who is she?"
"A police inspector, and a good one. She gave you a ticket once, before her promotion. She must have come in while you were out getting that NeoSilicoResonico cutting machine, and while I was out to lunch."
"Well, if you say so... But then who made the scratch marks?"
"The would be robber of course. Me thinks, my dear PFY, that we should set a trap."
"Yeah, anything to deter wallpaper scratchers! But what I still don't get is how the safes got opened so easily? I mean, OK, you can maybe find out one or even two safe codes, but seven? I don't think so!"
"Ah, I think I can answer that, guys," said SysAdmin, striding into the office.
"Ah, my dear SysAdmin! Have you been doing some detecting?"
"Yeah, and phoning up the manufacturer of the safes. Seems this model has a secondary override code you can set. So if the guy that usually uses the safe is the only one that knows the code should, say, get run over by a truck, the safe can still be opened. But it can't be closed again, except by the manufacturer, who then resets both codes."
"That would explain why the safes where left wide open. But this is the first I hear about the override code. Who would set the code? And is there a default?" asked I.
"You never heard about the override feature because the page describing it is missing in every single manual we have for the safes. And I guess whoever installed the wall safes probably set the code. The manufacturer says the default is there is no override code."
"Hey, wasn't it Janitor that oversaw the installation of the safes?" asked PFY.
"Hmmm, you may be right. My dear SysAdmin, thank you for the invaluable information, but now my noble assistant and I must needs prepare The Trap! You've given me an idea for it, you have."
And so, after I gently guided SysAdmin out the door, the PFY and I went to work.
* * *
PFY and I returned shortly after sundown. We had constructed a fake wall in PFY's office, using the rest of the NeoSilicoResonico, which had originally been slated for SysAdmin's room. This gave us just enough room to be able to sit behind it. Through a series of cleverly placed cameras looking through small holes in the fake wall, we could watch what happened in the room on our laptops . And record it too, of course. The PFY had cut out the NeoSilicoResonico around my safe, and I had removed the important documents. They were now in my bank's safe. A better place, I thought, than leaving them lying around for the robber to snare.
* * *
"So it is Janitor!" whispered PFY around midnight, waking me up from a light snooze.
"So it would seem. Let us see what he does," whispered I back.
We watched as Janitor went straight to the wall safe. He opened the flap of tapestry, and entered a code unknown to me. Obviously the over-ride code. Janitor ruffled through the contents of my safe and removed a folder clearly marked "Merger". This folder now contained a whole set of faked documents, describing the proposed merger of a local dairy farm and a local automobile dealer. Janitor didn't seem to notice the deception, and was about to leave the room, when the door opened and two armed police officers entered.
It was the work of a few moments, and Janitor was trussed up in handcuffs, and seated on a chair.
"How...?" asked PFY.
"We weren't the only ones watching what the cameras saw. So, let us confront the villain, shall we?" said I as I pushed open a section of the fake wall and stepped into the larger part of the PFY's office.
"And I am now almost certain this is not Janitor at all. This person is a double."
"What do you mean, sir?" asked the policeman standing nearest to me.
"See the wall where Janitor put his hand? There is no colour mark, only a depression. That means whoever this is, is wearing an insulation on his hands, possibly make-up rubber. NeoSilicoResonico is heat sensitive, see," said I as I pressed the wall with my hand, leaving the familiar rainbow pattern in a hand shaped depression.
The second police office touched Janitor's face, then pinched his cheek and pulled. A piece of make-up rubber came loose.
"Hey, you're right! We're going to have to get all this gunk off before we find out who this guy really is."
And just then the real Janitor entered, followed by my acquaintance, the police inspector, who I noticed was indeed wearing the perfume I gave her as a birthday gift.
"What's the idea of getting me out of bed in the middle of the ni... Oh..."
"Yes, Janitor, a double. I'm happy to say SysAdmin's accusations were quite incorrect. On the other hand, we still don't know who this is. Ah, my dear Inspector, I see you've brought the make-up remover..."
After a few minutes of intensive make-up cleaning, the culprit's true face was shown to us.
A gasp escaped PFY's lips.
"Oh my. I certainly didn't expect you, Boss," said I.
"Well, who else did you expect? Miss WebMaven?"
"No... the competition, actually. Anyway, my dear officers, as it isn't a crime breaking into your own safe, I'm afraid you will have to let Boss go."
"Well, highly irregular, Fainswift... But seeing as it's you, I guess we can make an exception. Take the cuffs off of him," said Inspector, waving her hand at one the police officers.
"I promise I will tell you all about it tomorrow, or rather later today, seeing as it is just after midnight. Say, over lunch?"
"Great, the usual place? Fine. Well, looks like our job is done here. Good morning," said Inspector as she left, taking the two puzzled police officers with her.
The End.
Really.
That's all folks.
Go home now.
Nothing to see here.
But noooo!
I turned to Boss.
"So, why did you break into my safe? And what do you want with the merger documents? If you had wanted to check them, you only would have had to ask."
Boss looked to Janitor, then to PFY, and finally back to me. He sighed.
"I guess I owe you fellows an explanation. I didn't want it to get talked around, but I have reliable information that this merger will end up with us all being put out onto the street."
"What? But the contract clearly defines that we have the controlling majority!"
"Yes, that's what it would seem like. I don't have proof, of course, otherwise I wouldn't have resorted to pretending to be Janitor and breaking into my own safes, but my source is one hundred percent reliable. Just not worth as proof. My source says the other company is actually just a front for a much larger corporation, against which we would have no chance, once we've merged."
"Well, why didn't you come to us before, Boss? You know we'd never have let you down," said PFY.
"Yeah, we're right behind you, Boss," said Janitor, "and I say we teach those big guys a lesson!"
"Hmm, my dear Janitor, I believe you have just given me an idea..." said I, pressing my hand into the NeoSilicoResonico several times in a pattern and watching the rainbow colours slowly dissolve.
Next, Courting Disaster: Merger Mayhem!
Read more!
Two days ago, I took the bus to work, as I had to bring my poor car to the repair shop. And as always seems to happen lately when I'm without private transportation, I got burdened with the job of personally delivering an important package to Blake and Edwards in person. B&E were well known and respected lawyers. And they also happened to be our oldest and most esteemed clients. It was a rush job. As always. And as always I unthinkingly called up the PFY on my cell phone. Bad habits die hard.
First off, check back tomorrow for episode two of "Courting Disaster"!
Dear Readers!
