The Microwave Story

Last week we got a new microwave. As I've already indicated, our PFY isn't the brightest bulb in the collection. It didn't take him long to wonder what would happen, if you microwaved Jell-O. Let his mistake be a lesson. Do not, under any circumstance, attempt to microwave that jiggely desert, or you'll end up cleaning exploded green goo from every crevice of your kitchen appliance. And I made my PFY use nothing more than a toothbrush, water and backing soda. No quick dirt-eating chemical solutions for that fellow!

You'd think that after scrubbing for four hours with a toothbrush, someone would learn not to touch things they know nothing about.

But noooo!

The next day, our PFY had brought a hot dog in a bun to work. A cold hot dog in a bun. Now, all the plates were dirty in the washing machine, 'cause no one had bothered to turn the machine on the night before. So what does our PFY do? He takes an old CD as a plate, the silly cluck. In one of his more lucid moments, he scrapes off the metal foil from the top side of CD, having heard enough times not to put metal into the microwave.

At any rate, our PFY went hungry that lunch, but did end up having the worlds first Hot Dog on a CD sculpture. And we all avoided the kitchen area like rats avoiding a burning building.... The smell was... interesting to say the least.

We all hoped that would be the last chapter in PFY vs The MicroWave. We were too optimistic.

Two days later our trusty Janitor goes into the kitchen area carrying his beloved wire-less phone, in the shape of a bright yellow banana no less. He pours himself a bowl of canned soup, and pops it into the microwave (leaving the door open), when his phone rings. Some secretary complaining about a blocked sink in the ladies. After hanging up, he leaves the phone on the kitchen counter (!) and scoots away. Innocent enough.

Until...

Enter the PFY.

Now in the Janitor's defence I have to admit he isn't that fond of the PFY, so he sometimes lets the PFY stand outside in all weathers before unlocking the front door in the morning. At 8:30 on the dot. The PFY of course thinks that to be a bit low. So what does he do to the Janitor's favourite banana shaped phone? He takes the bowl of soup out of the microwave, gingerly places the banana phone into the microwave and closes the door. The soup bowl he leaves in plain sight. Just under the microwave, for all to see. Exit our PFY to a place of safety, the server room, where the Janitor has no access.

Enter the Janitor for act three. Without checking, the poor fellow punches in 1 minute, high heat, 'cause he likes a steaming soup. One second... Two seconds... at approximately 25 seconds the air smells like the familiar melting plastic. At 45 seconds the microwave's fuse blows, and a steady stream of smoke is curling from the side of the kitchen appliance. The Janitor, quick thinker that he is, pulls the microwave's plug from the wall socket... Result: one dead microwave and one melted banana phone. To this day the Janitor is convinced he absentmindedly put the phone into the machine instead of the soup. The PFY refuses to fess up, even though I have several witnesses (three keyboard stompers from the data-pool) that he was in the kitchen area during the time the Janitor was not.

The melted banana phone now adorns the kitchen wall next to the newly acquired microwave as a warning to all future users.